Your pain has changed me
your dream inspires
your face a memory
your hope a fire
your courage asks me what I'm afraid of
(what I am made of)
and what I know of love
I saw what I saw and I can't forget it
I heard what I heard and I can't go back
I know what I know and I can't deny it
Something on the road, cut me to the soul...
- Sara Groves
So, this is my last blog post. I know it has been a while since my last post, but I decided to wait until I was finally home to write this in hopes that I would better be able to summarize our final month and weeks in Kenya. It was full: white water rafting the Nile in Uganda, hanging out with monkeys, and saying a lot of goodbyes. And, I wish I had some neatly wrapped way to conclude this journey or some single sentence that summarizes what I have learned and feel. But, I’m not sure that I have processed it all yet, and I’m not sure that’s how God works. More often, he works outside of the boxes we try to confine him in our little worlds. I say this because I saw him do that with me during the trip, and I hope it will forever change the way I see the world.
“Final weeks in Malindi”: Our final few weeks in Malindi were a lot of the same. Adam was still going to the hospital to volunteer three days out of the week, and I was still spending time every day down at the shops. There were also a few more meetings here and there to finalize the small scale sports ministry we were starting. Before leaving we were able to get the sports ministry started for two weeks and have a meeting to see what progress was made. We ended up with six different teams around Malindi that played at least twice a week with children in the area. It was great to see the excitement and how the hard work and all of the meetings paid off.
I actually got a little discouraged one day down at the shops about a week before we left. In Kenya, there is a very difficult stereotype that you encounter daily if you are white: you are rich and will give your money away. Honestly, in comparison, we are extremely rich. But, it is really difficult to overcome this barrier and build actual relationships sometimes that aren’t there for the money. In all my time down at the shops, I attempted to break down this barrier, and I thought I had until the final week. There was a day down at the shops that I was bombarded with questions asking for money and for me to buy things or give them away, and it really frustrated me. I ended up feeling more like a bank than a friend, and I thought all of my time had been ill spent. But, that changed by the time we had to say goodbye, and I realized that I was really going to miss the friends I made down at the shops. I am going to miss playing chess, listening to/playing music, and having lots of conversations (sometimes awkward). I hope that someday I will return to Kenya and see them all again in a joyful reunion.
“Juma”: I have told you all a little about one of my friend’s Juma. But, here is an entry from my journal that I wanted to share. Well, if our time here amounted to nothing more than today, it would have been enough. Suddenly, all of our time was worth it. Today, Juma became part of God’s family. It’s amazing; it has changed so much of what I have though. Juma was probably the guy down at the shops who I had written off a bit, because he always seemed to be scheming, joking, and generally disinterested. But, then again, God loves the misfits and troublemakers. I was floored the other day when, while having a discussion with him about his Islamic faith and Adam and I’s Christian faith, he drew in the sand. He drew himself and us, asking, “How do I get to where you are?” God is amazing. He blew me away.
After thinking about it over the weekend, Juma came to shops Monday morning. He seemed eager to hear more, and he sincerely said, “this way is better and I want to change”. I was able to share the gospel with him again, and Adam and I prayed with him later that day. It was really amazing to see God work through the prayer. Literally, while Juma was praying with us, the Muslim call to prayer was going on, and it was a like a visible way of God showing the “old becoming new”.
“Probably the best rafting in the world”: Several of us went for a short weekend trip to Uganda to raft the Nile. It was epic! I would do it again at the drop of a hat without a doubt. It was class 4 and 5 rapids the entire day, and our raft was always first to go and always down the hardest line. We had a crazy/jokester guide named Juma who tried to flip us every rapid, and we ended up doing a lot of White Nile swimming. But, it was amazing. We went through some insane rapids and even went down a small waterfall. After seeing the slogan on the t-shirts about it being the best rafting in the world, we asked the guides how it compared to other places in the world they had rafted. They said for big drops, huge rapids, and pure adrenaline, you can’t beat the Nile. It was definitely an experience I will never forget.
“A monkey stole my lollipop”: In one of our last days, we went to Nairobi’s City Park. It is a large park with tons of monkeys…the reason we went. Most of these monkeys are pretty docile, and won’t try to harm you. But, they will steal your food. We bought a lot of peanuts before going in, and several lollipops. Immediately, when you walk through the gates, monkeys jump off of trees and start walking your way in hopes of getting a treat. Some a shy, but many are bold. Without warning a monkey will sneak attack and jump on your should from behind and then proceed to pry your fingers open to get to the food. Others will sit on the ground and wait to grab one from your hand. I started eating my lollipop and sat on a bench, only to have the lollipop snatched out of my mouth from behind. It was worth it to see the monkey in the tree holding and licking my lollipop. At one point, I had 5 monkeys crawling on me…not your typical day.
“Random thought”: This is a small entry from my journal reflecting on my time in Africa…There is a time of day, right before and during dusk where the sun’s reddish-golden light hits everything in just the right way. Everything looks a little softer. It’s usually the time after I have just finished my evening run, and I am riding back to the apartment. The back catches little idyllic snapshots of everyone in slow motion. If I look hard enough, it looks like everyone is happy, peaceful, and content. The long, hot day is coming to a close. Work and the day come to a cool end. Everything seems right in the world, and everyone looks beautiful. All of the problems: the poverty, the violence, the corruption…ceases and disappears for a while and the town is at peace. This is my favorite part of the day in Africa.
“Final day”: I’m not sure I have reflected on this journey like I should. Every time I start thinking about leaving this place, it ends up being much tougher than I expected. I keep closing my eyes and seeing different children smiling, and it makes me sad to leave them. It’s amazing that one week ago I was just ready to leave and come home. But, now, the gravity of the situation is much more than I realized it would be. I closed my eyes during a nap the other day and I kept picturing the children’s smiling faces: Doreen, little Monica, Karanja, Mongeli, Julius, Lydia. And, I started to tear up and have a difficult time resting. The reality that I may never see these children again is squeezing at my heart. It was even more upsetting to think that if I did come back to visit some years down the road, the children may not even recognize me or I them. But, I will always remember them and I hope they remember us. As one girl said, “It is only hills and mountains that will never meet”.
Well this is it. The finale. I just wanted to thank everyone who stuck it out to the end in reading my ridiculously long posts throughout these nine months. Thank you all for always being there and encouraging me along the way. I really appreciate it and I hope you enjoyed reading about my journey through Kenya.
much love…
